Beaver Patrol:
Valley Police Department, Fall 1988
Not on company time and / or furniture, and that included police cars.

One night on a weekend in the fall of 1988 I was patrolling about the city. I was cruising by a trailer court on the north side of town when a well endowed young lady named Heather, who was known to have a reputation, and who is wearing only a very revealing, light blue ‘teddy’ comes running out of her trailer house shouting, “Stop! Police! Stop! Stop!

I come screeching to a halt, and asked what the matter was.

Heather blurts out, “You’ve got to come inside and see this beaver!”

I’m sensing this must be some sort of set up to get the cop in trouble. “C’mon Heather. What’s really going on?”

“No, I’m serious! You gotta come in the house and see this beaver!”

One of my mottos was: Not on company time and / or furniture, and that included police cars. Something didn't feel right to me.

About this time, Officer, Don Shelton rolls by and stops… “Officer Shelton! Officer Shelton! Officer Schulze won’t come in my house to look at this beaver!” Don, who’s not married, says, “I will! Let’s Go!”

Don get’s out of his patrol car, so I figure I better go along so Don doesn’t get into any trouble. We follow Heather into her trailer, as she points to a room down the hall, “It’s right there! Right there! Check out that beaver!”

We go into a small bedroom, where there’s a small single bed mattress on the floor. Don pulls the sheet back, and sure enough, lying on the bed, is the biggest, fattest, deadest beaver either one of us had ever seen! It had what appeared to be a .22 caliber bullet hole right between the eyes. I say to Don, “This looks like some sort of Game Violation!Apparently, the beaver was a gift or “message” sent to Heather from one of her many ex-boyfriends.

At Heather’s request, Don and I wrapped the beaver in the soiled bed sheets, and disposed of his remains in the nearest dumpster. Heather also asked us to do the same with the mattress. It was a solemn but short funeral...

As we were about to leave, Don asks, “So you were afraid to go in and deal with a beaver?” I replied that I was not worried about the critter, but thought that some of Heather’s friends might have been setting us up for a scandal.

“Just think!” I said, “What if we both went into the house, in full uniform, standing next to Heather, as she was dressed, and some jerk appears with a camera, and starts the gossip mill going?” In a small town, right or wrong, that would be the end of a career.

Even after all was said and done, I made certain both of us submitted a full written report.

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