Parking
in the Park: Valley
Police Department, August 1989
The two things that will piss off a citizen more than anything else,
is to impound their dog, or write them a parking ticket.
One thing
I learned during my sixteen years in law enforcement. The two things
that will piss off a citizen more than anything else, is to impound
their dog, or write them a parking ticket. Maybe it’s because
they aren’t there to “participate” in the process.
It’s like this anonymous cop snuck over and snatched their
dog, or secretly put this piece of paper under their windshield
wiper. If you arrest someone, or pull them over for a traffic offense,
they don’t like it, but they get it! They are there to participate
firsthand why whatever enforcement action is taken. Over those years,
I probably received more hate mail and verbal threats over parking
tickets!
I was
an early adopter of carrying a recording device with me. Long before
dash cams and body cams were invented, I carried a micro cassette
recorder in my shirt pocket. It was turned on for every, and
I mean every official contact I made without exception! As
a result, I got a lot of threats on tape. It was also the best $25
dollar insurance policy I ever invested in. (An honest cop never
needs to worry about being recorded.)
In the
Omaha suburb of Valley, Nebraska during the 80’s and part
of the 90’s our Mayor had three important priorities. His
number one project was the City Park. It was a fine park, and he
was rightly proud of it. Next, was illegal parking. If a vehicle
was illegally parked, and there was not a ticket on it, the Mayor
would hunt you down to find out why! (A parking ticket in this city
was a bargain at $5 bucks a piece! I can think of places where you’d
pay more than that in fees just to legally park!) Finally, was the
policy on alcohol and drug abuse, in which we had a no tolerance
policy. No warnings were ever issued for drug and alcohol violations.
Only arrests and citations. Period! (I’ll write more
about drugs and alcohol in another story.) So look at it this way,
if you were drinking in an illegally parked car in the City Park,
you were going to receive some form of behavior modification from
the local policeman.
I found
that the first thing to do when starting your tour of duty, was
to proceed straight to the City Park and get all the parking tickets
done right away. This way, you didn’t have the brass getting
into your face, and the universe stayed in balance.
On this
particular 3:00 to 11:00 Saturday Evening Shift in August, I was
in a bad mood. The previous night’s shift had been a long
one, and I hadn’t got much sleep. I had an argument with my
wife before I departed for work, and was still going over that in
my head. On top of all that, it’s miserably hot and extremely
humid, while I’m wearing a dark blue uniform shirt over a
Kevlar bullet proof vest. True to form, I complete all my beginning
of the shift paperwork, call in 10-41, (On Duty,) and proceed straight
to the City Park to get all the parking tickets out of the way.
In this
one particular parking lot at the park, there is front-end-in parking
around a small center island, with several, very clearly posted
No Parking Signs along the outside curb of the lot. Here, I find
about six cars parked illegally. So I grab my ticket book, and start
to write…
The Black Line incates an island or "front
stop" for angled, front end
parking. The Red Line indicates a posted No Parking Zone along
the outside curb, or lot boundry.
Somewhere
to the west from the ball diamonds where a softball tournament is
in progress I hear a male voice shouting, “Hey! Hey
You! I’m talking to you, you son-of-a-bitch!” I know
this is being directed at me, but I’m ignoring it as a
police officer’s peace cannot be disturbed. None the
less, the tape recorder goes on. The shouting’s getting louder
as this guy is coming closer… Finally, I have this drunken
guy, (whom we will refer to as Mr. Findell,) and three of his drunk
buddies come approaching me. He says, “Didn’t you hear
me? I was yelling at you!”
“Oh
yes… I could not help but hearing you,” I replied.
“You’re
going to write me a written warning..!” This was not a request
from Findell, it was an order.
“I’m
afraid you’ve already had a written warning. See all these
signs? Particularly the one right next to your car that says, No
Parking? “ I explain…
“That’s
BULLSHIT!” Findell retorts. This parking lot was
built for parking around the outside!” (If the City hand intended
parking around the outside curb, the City would not have posted
a No Parking Zone around the outside curb…)
I finish
writing the ticket, and go to hand it to Findell. He just crosses
his arms and just glares at me… I turn around, place the ticket
under the wiper, and start to head back to the patrol car, when
Findell shouts, “GET FU**ED!!!” I calmly turn
around, walk up to the No Parking Sign, and twist it around so Findell
and his friend can clearly see it…
“What
ARE YOU, some sort of a fu**ing illiterate!” as I
let go of the sign and it snaps back making a wud-da-da-da
sound… Findell and his pals just stare at me with their moths
hanging open because the policeman just said a naughty word..!
I calmly
get into the police car. Make my log entry, and quietly pull out
of the parking lot. But I know… I just know this
guy is going to make a complaint against me, so I might as well
go see the Mayor and let him know it’s coming.
When
I arrive at the Mayor’s house, he’s sitting on his front
porch with a big grin on his face. As I approach, I say, “I
expect you’ve had a phone call from Mr. Findell?”
“Why
yes, I have… “ the Mayor replies. “You know I
don’t condone my Officers using profanity when dealing with
the public?”
“Yes.
I’m aware of that,” I explain. “But this guy found
my button, and pushed it real hard!”
The Mayor
asks, “Did you get it on tape?”
“Yes
Sir. Would you like to hear it?”
“No,
no… I know you're good for it. Just don’t let him get
your goat again... And just for the record, Findell IS a Fu**ing
Illiterate!”
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